New Year's Resolutions Made by People in Percentages
Its Jan 4th and everyone in the world is posting all the fantastic things they are going to do and accomplish in 2016. They have lists and plans, new found respect for their bodies and everything they put in it. They are going to do yoga, stop drinking, and eat only organic green stuff.
As I flip through the endless photos of 2016 promise on instagram, I notice I have to wipe the grease dripping from my hands on my shirt so I don’t smear it on my oh so important iPhone 6 screen. Yes, its Taco Bell grease, and its only on there because I am eating my meximelt directly from my fist and half of it has gone in my lap.
My resolutions haven’t been written yet. Actually, thats a lie. (Note to self, I should put no more lying on my list.) They were written last night after my (fourth) glass of wine, (because I had to drink all the wine out of the house before I could start the no drinking part of my resolutions. ) But today, the headache that followed that (fourth) glass of wine has kept me exhausted, dizzy and decidedly hungry since I woke up at 7 a.m. But, heres the thing: my resolutions start first thing tomorrow. Yes, Jan. 5th.
Starting on January 5th, I will be joining the masses of people who are “detoxing their skin” from the holiday season, and cleaning out their fridges, learning how to love their body just as it is, organizing their hair products, figuring out which yoga poses are the most meditative, researching the easiest and most delicious way to eat the only green stuff they are allowing themselves to eat, and of course, starting on long awaiting and anticipate projects that have been sitting on collective to do lists since the age of 13.
- Must lose 40 lbs (Never mind that I’ve already figured out how to love my body just as it is.)
- Workout every day (See above.)
- Cook more (3x's a week. I know, its lame. But, look, I married a guy that cooks. That was also on another list. At least its on the list. I'm trying.)
- Write a screen play (Super easy, I’m sure. I already have the app.)
- Get that great american novel started so that when I'm done with my screen play, its ready in 2017 (Maybe get another app.)
- Target five editors that will be dying for my unique perspective on all things photographic
- Increase my revenues 300%
- Stop caring about my husband's emotional indifference
- And, of course, stop drinking (Or technically just slow it down a bit. I mean, really its a form of art.)
Its quite simple really.
Don’t worry folks. Right after I eat this plate of spaghetti (with real beef, parmesan cheese and ….yup, you guessed it, no salad side - not even cut up cucumbers) I will be right there with you.
And by "right after" I, of course, mean tomorrow.
At least there isn’t any wine tonight at the table.